From Eisen regarding the erect Tweet above:
Seriously, Rich? Hacked? At 4am on a Thursday night?
Just admit you were drunk and meant to send a 'Direct Message' to some sizzling young intern with a grade-A rack and we'll call it a day.
Thank You, Rich Eisen [The Arena]
This telling timeline has some critics believing the writing may have been on the wall for Lenny some years back:
1986
Dysktra buys exclusive rights to the "Teufel Shuffle" from Tim Teufel for 1.8MM.
1987
Pours $500K into recording and distributing teammate Rafael Santana's ill-fated R&B album "Captain Beefcurtains."
1990
Corners the market on all Kevin Maas rookie cards, spending up to 2.3MM.
1991
Foolishly invests $2.6 MM in concept car that would run entirely on John Kruk's back sweat.
1992
Purchases $450k worth of stock from Vandelay Industries.
1993
Buys back all his old tobacco spit from Rob Dibble.
1998
Buys Mark McGwire's son for 850k.
2000
Throws 500k into prestigious Long Island based investment firm, JT Marlin.
2001
Purchases batting helmet worn by Barry Bonds during record breaking home run for $650k and happily devours ice cream inside of it for a solid month.
2003
Spending begins to get confusing as Lenny builds life-size replica Mutt Cutts mobile made entirely of Kobe Beef for $6.3 million.
2005
Dumps 3.5 million into Friendster.
2006
In what might be his most embarrassing gaffe of all, Dykstra reveals he forked over 500k to a construction crew to literally begin building the Devil Rays website.
2007
Finds chew from 1992 All-Star game and sells it on ebay for $900k; immediately buys it back just minutes later for $1.8 million and ferociously chews it.
2009
Convinces himself he's actually Wally Backman's mustache. Pays some fag shrink $400k to fix him.
The W.W.L.R.E.W.S (World Wide Leader in Ruining the Enjoyment of Watching Sports), ESPN, has bought the rights to broadcast English Premier League games in the UK from Setanta. The bold move is a clear indication that ESPN is making a huge push to stop people from enjoying soccer in England.
So what can UK fans expect from ESPN's Soccer coverage?
One 7' x 10' fake soccer field for a 12-man panel to act like stupid
dickheads on.
Classic "Gooooooal!!!" call to be replaced with Stuart Scott "Boo-Yah!"
Pre-game coverage to begin at 5am, featuring repeatedly concussed and drooling ex-players yelling over each other.
Rapid edits.
Analogies to American football players.
Profiles on European players that somehow make them appear even gayer.
Explanations. Lots of fucking painful and unnecessary explanations.
Lots of announcers
saying “THAT guy is a soccer player.”
A very confused Lou Holtz.
Some asshole from the
poker broadcasts.
The advent of ‘Soccertology’.
Holograms of players in the studio doing some stupid bullshit.
Roughly 3 seconds per game of announcers not talking.
Some hooker posing as a sideline reporter.
Unbelievably witty comments like "Hey, this just in... Ronaldo is pretty good!"
Non-stop Julie Foudy.
As evidenced by the 80,000-plus fans who appeared at the Bernabeu for Cristiano Ronaldo's lavish "introduction", many of whom even broke out of jail to witness, it appears soccer may have finally found a place of importance in Madrid.
Our favorite line from this soothing masterpiece:
"You in heaven, I hope to see you next year."
Predicting your own death in a rap song has long been played out, so Ronnie is probably just being a deep-thinking poet here, equating that elusive NBA Championship ring to heaven. Thus, when he raises the Larry O'Brien trophy next June, him and Michael will finally be together.
Or, some time next year he plans to take a ride up to heaven inside a magic elevator where his first order of business will be to say hello to Michael Jackson.
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson [Deadspin]
The only way for this touching moment shared between Sam Fuld, Kosuke Fukudome and Milton Bradley to get any more uncomfortable is if Fuld could somehow find a way to concentrate even harder on his rhythm.
And it's been confirmed -- the trio was breaking into "Papa Was a Rolling Stone."
Still, baseball has a long way to go before it catches up with the NFL's highly innovative "Jumping Dong Kiss" celebration.
Seriously. This video came from the New York Rangers page on NHL.com. It's five minutes of top prospect Evgeny Grachev skating around in a circle, set to a dazzling musical offering that could only be described as "rockin' jam session." If this doesn't have you fiending for more of Grachev, perhaps the next video installment will have him speaking or something.
And don't worry, if this upbeat, travelin' kind of tune has inspired the sudden urge to play Excitebike, Rad Racer or Pole Position, you're not alone.
However, we must admit, it's hard to get past the opening drum explosion, as we've restarted the video roughly 15 times.
Later today on NHL.com: Grachev eats
Tonight: Grachev sleeps
Tomorrow morning: Grachev adjusts his balls while getting the paper
Yes, the Jamal Crawford era has officially begun for the Hawks. Good luck, Atlanta, and enjoy those two blistering 50-point games to go along with the 80 other nights where he shoots 3-for-18.
Sund's inner monologue: "Goddamnit, I'm gonna have to buy a lot more basketballs."
Crawford's inner monologue: "Does this mean I get to meet the Real Housewives of Atlanta?"
Woodson's inner monologue: "It's 105 degrees in the ATL, I ain't wearin' a tie for this shit."
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