This time it's being reported by the Associated Press and not a college e-newsletter, so we're comfortable posting that Joe Paterno has passed away at the age of 85 for the second time in 24 hours.
RIP Joe Paterno, 1926-2012.
Los Angeles salons, asshole waxers, high-end tattoo parlors and Elfish-to-English translators breathed a collective sigh of relief Thursday after David Beckham agreed to remain with the Galaxy for another two years.
As previously predicted by The Sports Hernia, the Beckhams have certainly made their mark on L.A., helping certain specialized businesses thrive in this downtrodden economy since their arrival more than four years ago. The one drawback has been the drain on the city’s power grid due to the tremendous wattage required to power the Posh-inspired "Scorched on Mars" setting at countless tanning salons throughout the area.
Posh and David are expected to celebrate their unabashed L.A. happiness by bleaching their anuses. Again.
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It's a sad experience for NFL teams in search of a head coach during these trying times, especially when one gets word that Mike Tice, David Puddy's college roomate, will interview with the Oakland Raiders; other wise known as the blind caressing the blind. So what should we draw from this, other than endless hilarity? If your team has a shitty coach right now, your team has a shitty coach forever. 'Tis an extinct species.
However, with the bad news always comes a snippet of good news. After taking a peek into the future, the Hernia mole learned that when Raiders brass asked Mike Tice how to spell "banana," he hopped onto the conference room table and devoured the assorted fruit basket like a focused Mr. Peepers.
He's expected to be hired by Monday morning.
When we initially heard of this terrifying incident we were stunned. Then we found out that Hall's neighbor is Randy Quaid's character from "Moving." Makes perfect sense now.
[via TheBigLead]
Little known facts about the Giants License Plate Guy:
- Doesn't think the weeping male Giants fan from a couple years ago is a pathetic jackass
- Obviously parties with this guy
- Was the child model for the Dutch Boy paint brand
- Has downed a lot of Glogg in his day
- Started and manages his own Facebook 'Fan' page
- Tells chicks he is Fabio's second cousin
- Calls Fireman Ed a 'fame whore'
- Is still pissed at Mr. Hand for confiscating his double cheese and sausage pizza
- Was 'stoned as fuck' when had the third plate down made
- Played the role of Will Farrell playing the role of a figure skater in "Blades of Glory"
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Follow us on Twitter at @TheSportsHernia, @MDotNoonan, @BulldozerJones & @StopHamelTime
FUCK HARBAUGH!
#2007rematch
#2002rematch
#blood
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Follow us on Twitter at @TheSportsHernia, @MDotNoonan & @BulldozerJones
With the NFL Playoffs raging, its already boring and bloated stepbrother the NBA played some games over the weekend. Nothing of note really happened execept...
Raymond Felton forgot to take the snot rag out of his nose...
... And Keith Smart Channelled his inner Tracey Morgan.
Move along. Move along.
[Via Yahooo Sports]
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Follow us on Twitter at @TheSports Hernia & @StopHamelTime
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