The Sports Hernia Blog

Happy Holidays from The Sports Hernia (And a gift idea or two)

Since so many people suffer from being cheap disgraces, we're here to help.  It's very simple.  Forget shopping for gifts, just send your friends and loved ones a few links and call it a day.

After all, as Cousin Eddie once said, it's the gift that keeps on givin' the whoooooole year.

Happy holidays.

The Jim Mora Remix, otherwise known as the gold standard in YouTube achievement.

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Nothing like an end-to-end sequence in the Eastern Conference semifinals in which Larry Bird dishes through your legs for an easy assist and then swats you on the other end for the steal.  Jack Sikma, this is your life.

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Yup.  Sundizzle NFL Countdizzle, Contizzles.

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John Tesh's chills-filled version of "Storytellers" where he actually plays us a message he left for himself on his answering machine the day he discovered the magical ingredients for the NBA on NBC theme song.  Additionally and amazingly, there is an entire orchestra there to assist Tesh in celebrating the catchy jingle.

Roy Halladay wisely chooses most believable of the handwriting font family

When it comes to a pro athlete getting their publicist to write a heartfelt, sincere goodbye letter to the fans of their former city, it's crucial they choose the proper, most believable handwriting font available.

All-Star pitcher Roy Halladay did as much, and we commend him for it.

Had Roy foolishly gone with a risky, girlie font like "Giddyup Standard," as shown below, it's quite possible he would have never made it through his day yesterday, let alone ever take the mound in Philadelphia.

Doc's classy farewell [Toronto Sun]

Mike Francesa would really, reeeeally prefer that everyone just wait a second

It's as if Big Mikey is constantly witnessing the last box of Chipwiches disappear from the freezer at the grocery store.

[TheMikeFrancesa.com]

Philly's thoughtful holiday diehards simulate memorable snowfall for two lucky fans

If it weren't for the 68,532* confiscated sleighs, antlers, metal wreaths, actual reindeer and other spirited holiday items, it truly would have been a Christmas miracle in the wonderful city of Philadelphia.

* = That's full capacity, meaning everyone brought something!  So giving, so thoughtful, so Philly.

It's Always Snowing In Philadelphia [Deadspin]

Magic sits down with Kobe for purposeful "Do You Like Stuff & Stuff" interview

The following quote is just one of the many sneaky tactics used by Magic Johnson during yet another wild player-owner sitdown with Kobe Bryant:

"So what does ... Kobe Bryant want ... for Christmas?"

BOOM.

Even better, Magic conducted the entire interview while channeling the Keenen Ivory Wayans version of Mike Tyson.

Goose emerges from 1984's "Hot Dog: The Movie" to belt out deafening concerto

About halfway through a very brave, emotional rendition of "Cari Amici," multiple cheesesteaks were launched in the direction of Siragusa, who managed to catch the majority of them in his mouth while miraculously not missing a beat.

The Pau Gasol/Dirk Nowitzki face translator

At times, it can be hard to read these stoic, stone-faced Europeans who have infiltrated the NBA landscape over the last decade or so.  Are they mad?  Are they happy?  Content?  Lonely?  Pissed off they weren't allowed to smoke on the court?

The two prime examples are obviously Pau Gasol and Dirk Nowitzki.  Through subtle cues and slight tweaks in facial tissue, one can decode just what these emotional chameleons are really feeling:

1. Unbridled joy

 

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2. Slight discomfort

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3. Sheer terror

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4. Complete and total indifference

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5. Achingly horny

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6. I'm totally high, maaaan!!

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7. "Eurogasm"

 

Generous New York Post stays in holiday spirit, pushes Tiger cover streak to 19

The New York Post's touching cover tribute to Tiger Woods today matches their record of consecutive covers previously held by the 9/11 terrorist attacks!

To celebrate this news, take an obscenely unpleasant bath in Cousin Eddie's egg nog.

Oklahoma City Thunder debut orange Crocs on "Horrendous Idea Night"

Not since the New Jersey Nets jogged out of the tunnel wearing matching body condoms has team unity gone so visually wrong.

Tomorrow's New York Post cover could be the star that went on top

Yesterday we "reported" that Tiger Woods had made the cover of the New York Post for 16 straight days.  Somehow, we inexplicably missed one cover, which was the cautiously subtle "Tiger's Back 9."

So with today's cover in the books, the count is officially at 18, with just one more to go to tie the Post's previous record of 19, which was set after the events of 9/11.  Two topics with about as much in common as Lyle Alzado and Stephen Hawking.

Even more impressive, the New York Daily News is already at 19 straight covers, albeit with a few less dong jokes.

WFAN sends Joe Benigno to flashcard class

While discussing a few of the recent MLB trades earlier this afternoon, WFAN's Evan Roberts went out on a limb with both his partner, worldly yapper Joe Benigno, and 76% of his listening audience by using the word "opined."

The next 30 seconds included a baffled Benigno admitting to not knowing the definition of the word, as well as to never even hearing it spoken in his entire life.

Even by his standards, we were left impressed.

Flashcard class starts at 8am sharp, Joey.  We strongly recommend you go with that sexy Dracula look.

And while we're here, the following is a short list of other words Joe has had some difficulty with:

- Tennis
- Book
- Cotton
- Taste

But to be fair, there are a couple words we tend to have trouble with as well:

- Joe
- Benigno

New York Post continues subtle approach to Tiger Woods coverage

We are now at 16 17 consecutive days where a golfer has made the front cover of the New York Post.  Before day one, he was on the back cover, just narrowly chest-bumped off the front by former WWE manager Paul Bearer, who had been arrested for allegedly torching Vince McMahon's plush Greenwich, Connecticut mansion.