Barbaro - A Timeline Retrospective
Spring 1988 - Barbaro's father, BarbaroSonto, wreaks havoc at trendy Manhattan nightclub Limelight after being snubbed of an Oscar nod for lead performance in the highly praised Hot to Trot.
April 29, 2003 - Lex Luger and BarbaroSonto give birth to Barbaro.
Summer 2003 - Neil Young and Barbaro join Eddie Vedder on-stage to sing "Rockin' in the Free World", surprising a raging MSG crowd on opening night.
Fall 2003 - Barbaro loses role of Seabiscuit during 2nd day of filming after he was caught banging Tobey McGuire's girlfriend, inadvertently kickstarting racing career.
March 2004, Wrestlemania - Barbaro effortlessly sends Vince McMahon flying over the ropes with emotional "hoof-kick" after McMahon mocks horse racing to disapproving Southern crowd.
October 2005 - Barbaro replaces Dale Earnhardt Jr. at the Daytona 500 and finishes a respectable 4th despite a very heavy Budweiser car.
May 2006 - After experiencing turbulent winds, Donald Trump's helicopter lands safely on Barbaro's back as he wins the Kentucky Derby.
August 2006 - Barbaro weds Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in a secluded wedding ceremony just outside of Prague.
September 2006 - Disillusioned with his new found celebrity status, Barbaro joins the Peace Corps, eventually spending time at a Buddhist temple in Tibet before returning to the U.S.
November 2006 - Barbaro has major setback on Dancing With the Stars after awkwardly slipping on Emmit Smith's boot tassel during a group dance warm-up.
December 2006 - Paris Hilton reveals she's late, giving us renewed hope that Barbaro will become a father.
Early January 2007 - Barbaro, seemingly healthy again, enjoys glorious beach jog with new BFF Matthew McConaughey.
Yesterday - Martin Scorsese tabs Barbaro to play Louis XIV for his upcoming Victorian era epic "Louis".
Minutes before being euthanized - Barbaro smokes 8lb. blunt with Snoop Dogg and Nate Newton.