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Friday, April 06, 2007

The All-Time NBA Pretty Boys (Part 1)

Gheorghe Muresan
Gheorghe_muresan_discovered_on_stud
Big Gheorge sporting his pretty boy long hair on "Studs" 

Originally discovered by Bullets scouts on an episode of the legendary gameshow “STUDS”, the 7’6 nimble big man took the NBA by storm, instantly becoming the new face of the league.  Sadly, it was a short run for Big Gheorge, as the inevitable calls from Hollywood came, leaving him no choice but to quit the NBA to become professionally good looking.  Gaffers on the set of “My Giant” say that Billy Crystal did most of his scenes separate from Gheorge because he would just weep uncontrollably when near him. Probably known best for using his wang as a diving board during one of Heff’s more memorable parties at the Playboy Mansion.

Kurt Rambis

Kurt_rambis_ass_sorcerer
If Rambis had a flaw, it was that he was too sexy 

This well-documented ass-sorcerer sometimes juggled up to 2 women during the course of an NBA season.  And when we say juggle, we literally mean juggle.  Became the first NBA player allowed to wear a leather uniform.  Actually coined the term "Pimpin' Ain't Easy", a fact few rappers will freely admit. Once had wrestler Tito Santana thrown out of a trendy L.A. bar for wearing a pleather jacket and sporting hair that, quite frankly, wasn’t up to snuff.

Popeye Jones
Popeye_jones_fielding_questions_pul
Popeye Jones denying rumors of kanoodling with Paris Hilton 

Jones famously broke a contract with Elite Modeling to pursue his dream of playing in the NBA.  He shunned multiple movie offers, including lead roles in Dirty Dancing, The Karate Kid and Schindler’s List. Although, it is still unknown whether he was offered the role of Sloth in the Wayans brothers ill-fated remake “Black Goonies.” Known best in Hollywood circles for taking the virginity of Brittney Spears, Scarlett Johanssen, Lindsay Lohan and Eliza Dushku all in the same week.

Paul Mokeski

Paul_mokeski_sexiest_man_alive
Mokeski winning his 6th straight "Sexiest Man Alive"

Some say he sweats a lot, but a closer look revealed Mokeski was the first man to ever literally ooze sex appeal.  The 80s premier pretty boy graced the cover of People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” issue a staggering 6 years in a row, before gracefully and mercifully taking himself out of the running, opening the door for the Clooneys and Pitts of the world.  Mokeski Fever reached its zenith when he famously blew up Jack Sikma's perm salon during an ugly low-ball marketing campaign for an up and coming salon of his own.

Chris Kaman

Chris_kaman_uber_adonis
Hair-poetry in motion, Chris Kaman 

America’s answer to David Beckham, Kaman became the NBA’s newest Adonis the minute he was drafted. He sent shockwaves through the fashion world when he cut his long majestic golden locks, sending millions of women into a deep depression and a legion of male followers wondering what to do with their copy-cat “balding Weeping Willow” hairdos. Magazine industry insiders have said there are rumors of People dedicating an entirely new issue to Kaman titled “Can’t Get Any Sexier than Kaman” issue.

****

The All-Time NBA Pretty Boys (Part Deux)

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