Moose's season has been even crappier than this attempt at an "action shot" baseball card.
Yankees happy-go-lucky pitcher Mike Mussina has been relegated to a bench role, thus inspiring a quick list of things the cranky-ass pitcher can do to pass the time.
- Pluck sideburns
- Hold Joba's spit cup
- Fondle Wang
- Encourage Torre to yank Wang
- Pick Torre's nose
- Comb Ron Guidry's mustache
- Watch Mattingly's mustache grow back
- Get 3rd haircut of the week
- Pre-hump all of A-Rod's bats
- Feed Shelley Duncan razor blades
- Place a whoopie cushion under Bob Sheppard's chair
- Question Andy Pettitte on what it is like to get outs
- Maintain his "I definitely smell rotten ass" facial expression
- Complain about the temperature of his Poland Spring water
- Apply coats of hair cement to Giambi every other inning
- Sacrifice his forearms for the sake of a good Shelley Duncan celebration
- Complain about lack of run support even though his ERA is over 20
- Hang out in the parking lot and throw random people under the bus
- Work on some Quantum Physics problems, since he is so smart and went to Stanford
- Add up the number of games he has cost the Yankees in the past month and play that number in the lottery
