Treasures, bodies found in Raiders' "Black Hole"

Destro Detroyer & Al Bananas refused comment on the story but didn't mind
posing.

After years of witnessing stomping, kicking, punching, shooting, smuggling, crapping and partying in the Raiders infamous "Black Hole," team officials finally decided to hire a special team of Archaeologists to excavate the storied section of the stadium and find some answers for the decaying franchise.  The people found inside were equally as interesting as the items discovered.

People found in the Black Hole:

-  Napoleon Kaufman
-  Todd Marinovich
-  Andre Ware
-  Tupac
-  Tupac's killer
-  Biggie's butler
-  Greg Townsend
-  Ted Striker
-  The L.A. Rams
-  Four dead bodies that looked like Al Davis
-  Hundreds of Jack Tatum victims
-  Jimmy Hoffa

Items found in the Black Hole:

-  A bloody glove
-  The USFL
-  A glowing review of Mike Shanahan
-  Jon Gruden's extension
-  Several Snorks
-  Chester McGlockton's moldy cheesesteak
-  An Orbi (tm)
-  James Hetfield's last beer
-  The top half of Steve Wallace's helmet
-  Eazy-E's sunglasses
-  Jay Schroeder's combover
-  An array of drinking helmets
-  Kevin Gogan's King Kong Bundy outfit
-  Ronnie Lott's finger
-  Barrett Robbins' empty Cuervo bottles
-  John Madden's used Depends
-  Rich Gannon's Just For Men formula
-  Eric Dickerson's trick eyeball goggles