Testaverde to start Sunday, gets clearance to use Segway

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell reached out to the Carolina Panthers today giving them approval for use of a Segway Human Transporter after learning 44-year old Vinny Testaverde would actually take the field Sunday as the team's starter.

According to sources, Goodell decided to make the gesture after detecting from coach John Fox's body language that he legitimately fears for Testaverde's life. 

"It certainly didn't help that Carr has been sacked 38 times in five games this year," Goodell said in a conference call with reporters. 

"But even with good protection, Vinny is the kind of guy that is in constant danger at this point of his career.  To be honest, we considered giving him a motorcycle to handle those blitz packages, and some of us were most comfortable with an armored truck, but we settled on the Segway."

Despite league-wide optimism on the benefits of the Segway for someone as old as Testaverde, many believe the journeyman QB simply stands no chance at success.

"You could give him three offensive lines, a free 10-second start on the defense, and the car from Spy Hunter and somehow he'd still end up on his back," yapped our anonymous source.

Testaverde is scheduled to be sacked on the third play of the game.