You read that correctly, the Mike & Mike "celebrity" roast is painfully real. This life altering event is set to take place on Friday, January 11, 2008, and yes, tickets are miraculously still available.
Your hosts? Trey Wingo and Mark Schlereth, so clearly all bets are off.
Your Roasters? Nick Bakay, Charlie Weis, Dick Vitale, Denis Leary and Frank Caliendo, so don't expect cliches.
And with the writers' strike, ESPN has brought in the hackiest scabs to write annoyingly bad jokes for these already laughable roasters. The person they really need for this event is Bill Walton so he can say "terrrrrrrible" after the punchline of each joke.
Here's a look at some of painful jokes you'll be hearing...
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You know, it's no coincidence that as soon as Golic signed his letter of intent out of high school, Notre Dame expanded its cafeteria!!
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Greenie's so short... (wait for audience to respond "How short is he?")
... He's so short that he needs help getting things off the bottom shelf - from Muggsy Bogues!!
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Golic is so fat... (wait for audience to respond "How fat is he?")
... He's so fat he stepped on the scale and it said "To Be Continued!!"
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You know how Greenie always talks about how much his wife can't stand him? Well guess what, she really can't!! No, no, that's the joke.
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No, seriously Golic. It's great you lost all that weight. Your neighbors are probably happiest since they no longer hear screams from your wife in the middle of the night because you rolled on top of her in your sleep!!
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There's Greenie over there. Look at him, so young looking. He's so young looking he was granted an exclusive Michael Jackson interview!!
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What's the only difference between women and Greenie?
... women shave!!
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Golic has made such great strides in his radio gig, he's already got Mike Francesa beat... (dramatic pause)
... in bra size!!
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So Greenie, seriously, just tell us, stop giving us the runaround... how many times a week do you wake up next to Golic screaming "those aren't pillows!!"
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I'm not trying to say anything here, but these two make Billy Bean and John Amechi look macho! Seriously, Tim Hardaway refuses to come on their show!!
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Many people don't know this but Golic isn't his real name. It was given to him because he'll "Go Lick" anything! And then eat it! See, he's fat!!
Then you got Greenberg over there. The only thing more Jewish than that name is Shawn Green missing a Saturday playoff game!!
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Note: Frank Caliendo will be doing his Madden impression and circling Golic's fat on the telestrater throughout the entirety of this roast .
