Hank says its ok now for the Twins to give him Santana.
Hank Steinbrenner continued his coy negotiation tactics today regarding Johan Santana by sending subtle, cryptic messages through the media to Twins GM Bill Smith.
"We clearly have the best offer out there, everyone else's deal is total crap," Steinbrenner said while accidentally ashing in an intern's eye. "I told you guys exactly what we offered them right? Well lemme tell ya again, we offered them Hughes, Melky, Jeff Marquez and another prospect. So Bill, since we both know this is the best deal on the table, let's get this darn thing done. And even though you know by agreeing to a deal with me that I'm publicly making you look like a schmuck, you have permission to send Johan Santana to the New York Yankees."
His Hankness continued on for several minutes discussing the benefits of Santana playing in his galaxy.
"Also, why would Santana not want to come to New York? The Steinbrenner family has been in contact with various intergalactic space aliens and lifeforms over the years and they have all confirmed to us that New York is the Center of the Galaxy -- with Florida being an ok place too but not for championship baseball. What inferior cities are vying for Santana? I don't even know, I just know that we continue to have the best offer. And yes, I know that the Mets are technically in New York too, but c'mon they're in Queens, that's Albany to me. Get real."
Steinbrenner finished his always colorful statements with an update on Brian Cashman's bowel movements.
"Hey, any of you hacks been in the bathroom today? It's been freakin' stinking in there, and guess who it was -- it was Cash! The little fella has diarrhea. Who knew such a little guy could make up all that stink. Let's go down to his office and talk about gross stuff since he has such a queasy stomach. Whenever I say 'cheeseburger milkshake,' he always gets up and runs, it's hilarious!"
The window to Cashman's office was later boarded up with planks of wood and he's recently been diverting reporters trying to reach him with "good afternoon, Paisano's," the name of a popular Italian joint among Yankee employees and particularly Hank's father, George.
