Fearing a spastic explosion from announcer Gus Johnson, CBS executives have gone ahead and made arrangements for the frisky broadcaster to be physically restrained during Friday night's highly anticipated Davidson-Wisconsin game.
Yeti-strength tranquilizers are also said to be on the menu in the event that Davidson guard Stephen Curry goes off for 35 or if we're treated to a buzzer beater, two things CBS knows certain will hulk up Johnson enough to break the shackles and run around center court like the Tasmanian Devil.
The network had initially thought to remove Johnson from the game entirely, but cooler heads prevailed and were able to compromise on simply keeping him in shackles, so as not to disappoint the viewers that enjoy Johnson's energetic style.
Len Elmore, who teams with Johnson, sounded relieved after hearing of the unorthodox move.
"I love Gus, I really do," said the understated Elmore, "but as soon as I heard we were assigned to the Davidson game, my mind started racing. I thought to myself, this could be the game where Gus truly loses his mind. What do I do to combat him if the excitement finally overtakes his soul? Thankfully, the heady folks at CBS stepped in."
Johnson's most famous explosion occurred in the 2006 NCAA Tournament when UCLA made an improbable comeback against Gonzaga in the final seconds, causing Johnson's head to rotate 720° before detaching itself from his body, hopping the announcers table and landing on coach Ben Howland's left shoulder for an exclusive postgame interview.
