What you didn't hear about Louis Albano's birthday bash

Legendary wrestling manager Captain Louis Albano celebrated his 75th birthday Sunday night and in appropriate rowdy fashion, fists and beer bottles were thrown and the inevitable laundry list of assault charges were filed, with the alleged guilty party being former mediocre wrestler, Jim "Sandman" Fullington.

Well the Hernia mole, a huge wrestling fan with a knack for landing invites to such prestigious events as this, was lucky enough to be there and filed the following juicy report on the booze-soaked gala:

- Rowdy Roddy Piper got so drunk he forgot to change the questions once Jimmy Snuka was pretty sure he had the answers

- Hulk Hogan got so drunk he let his son Nick drive him home

- Hillbilly Jim got so drunk pregaming at home he showed up in an Armani suit

- Yokozuna got so drunk he ordered a salad

- Earl Hebner got so drunk he actually screwed Bret Hart

- Ric Flair got so drunk he confused his flesh for a fancy leather jacket and handed it to the coat check chick

- Slick got so drunk he only porked three barmaids

- Hacksaw Jim Duggan got so drunk he ordered a martini and used Mean Gene to stir it

- 'Chico' Santana and Jesse Ventura got so drunk they finally hugged it out

- Mr. Fuji got so drunk he sprinkled green mist in his own quesadillas, sending himself to the emergency room

- Macho Man got so drunk he made out with Adorable Adrian Adonis

- The Ultimate Warrior got so drunk he was reduced to a mediocre warrior with flabby tits

- Sgt. Slaughter got so drunk he arose from his grave (he must be dead too, right?)

- Lord Littlebrook got so drunk he drown in a puddle of Big John Studd's spit

- Ted DiBiase got so drunk he left his brief case filled with $10,000,000,000 on the bar

- Jimmy Hart got so drunk he didn't drink out of his megaphone

- Bobby the Brain Heenan got so drunk he shook hands with Hogan