Kiki Vandeweghe...

... would like to know if you'll take this next dance
... is utterly mortified by how ugly Rod Thorn is
... like any other day, knows his hair looks absolutely flawless
... is dreaming of a place where only the Loveboat theme song plays
... is pretending in his mind that his tie is a Slip 'n Slide and he's about to go headfirst
... wishes he lived in a world where women were only allowed to wear grass skirts
... is somehow texting 'You know you want it' with his eyes
... wants to kick Harrison Ford's ass
... is playing the role of Tarzan in his daydream thriller
... thinks this pose would have made a great senior yearbook picture
... is picturing what Rod Thorn would look like in an Alice in Wonderland cartoon
... is thinking about your wife, what'ya gonna do about it, punk?
... is highly disappointed in you
... that's right, I'm Kiki Vandeweghe
... is trying to look into his own brain
... can't believe he isn't wearing leather pants
... is wondering if Rod Thorn and Rip Torn are bizarro brothers