The SportsHernia once again received an advanced copy of the wildly popular Madden video game series to play. And while we swiftly turned it off after 4 minutes to continue playing NHL 94 on Sega Genesis, we were able to uncover a few new features:
- Press "Left, Right, Up, Up R2, D2" before any running play and John Madden's eyebrows appear as your lead-blocker.
- If Brett Favre is created as a player, smarter CPU blows up your house
- All Jets home games frozen at halftime until girlfriend shows her tits
- Winning the Superbowl with with Saints on the All-Madden level unlocks Reggie Bush/Kim Kardashian sex-tape
- Losing to the Lions at any level automatically unlocks Chris Berman/John Clayton/Shelley Smith sex-tape
- Draft central allows you to draft directly from the local police blotters.
- Each game box already filled with Cheeto crums (you fat bastard)
- Online 10-Year Franchise Owner mode renamed "Virgin for Life" mode
- Create Sean Payton's entire playbook since that lazy fuck is wasting all of his time, much like you, on an XBox-related script.
- Ultra-realistic TV-like coverage!! With non-stop talking, drama-killing promos, dozens of commercial breaks, unfucking-bearably pointless sideline reporters, and retarded robots jumping around the screen!!
- All Raiders home games played in Mordor
- Insert John Runyan as fullback in goal line formations and swing into the endzone like Tarzan from his shoulder hair.
- If game is played within the first hour of it being on sale (12:01 am to 1am), new advanced sensor microchip will trigger your gamesystem to turn into a rocket and fire straight into your useless balls
- All-failure mode allows user to instantly activate Leon Lett in snow games and Scott Norwood in big games
- Detroit Lions entire roster and logo reverted to humiliating 8-bit graphics
Click HERE for 2008 Madden Features
Click HERE for 2009 Madden Features