No one is more giddy to land in Tyler Hansbrough's mouth this fall than Indianapolis-area gnats.
And no one in summer league is paler than Coby Karl. With the exception of Robert Swift, of course.
But no one's confidence in their jumper comes close to matching that of Orlando madman Ryan Anderson.
Our favorite line from this soothing masterpiece:
"You in heaven, I hope to see you next year."
Predicting your own death in a rap song has long been played out, so Ronnie is probably just being a deep-thinking poet here, equating that elusive NBA Championship ring to heaven. Thus, when he raises the Larry O'Brien trophy next June, him and Michael will finally be together.
Or, some time next year he plans to take a ride up to heaven inside a magic elevator where his first order of business will be to say hello to Michael Jackson.
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson [Deadspin]
Yes, the Jamal Crawford era has officially begun for the Hawks. Good luck, Atlanta, and enjoy those two blistering 50-point games to go along with the 80 other nights where he shoots 3-for-18.
Sund's inner monologue: "Goddamnit, I'm gonna have to buy a lot more basketballs."
Crawford's inner monologue: "Does this mean I get to meet the Real Housewives of Atlanta?"
Woodson's inner monologue: "It's 105 degrees in the ATL, I ain't wearin' a tie for this shit."
Where the hell are we?
Did we somehow enter the offices of Daniel Clamp?
Why is everyone so enthralled with watching themselves watch themselves on screen?
Are those laptops even plugged in?
Are those binders just filled with takeout menus?
Who's the asshole that SuperSized their meal just to get that 96oz. plastic cup?
Is that big white board just a list of teams they'd rather be working for?
Or is it simply a list of nicknames for Mike Dunleavy's wang?
Why is that bald guy in the back left wearing an eye patch on his ear?
And for the love of christ, what happened to then, and when will then be now?
Here's Ricky Rubio some time last week, sporting the classic "attacking hornet who's just discovered ecstasy and basketball at the same time" expression.
***
And today, where he's taken over the Yahoo! Sports page as the Ashton Kutcher version of Teen Wolf.
Looking forward to tonight, where he's sure to walk up to the podium wearing disco ball earrings, a blinking Rainbow Brite suit and looking like Zac Efron on Jolt Cola.
Just hours away from the 2009 NBA Draft, the SportsHernia staff began to wonder, what would the perfect basketball player look like? If one were able to combine the skills and unique talents of hoop legends, what would the NBA's Ultimate Player actually consist of? After thoughtful consideration, it was really quite easy.
BEHOLD!
1 - Manute Bol's right leg
2 - Shawn Bradley's left leg
3 - Jack Sikma's perm
4 - Oliver Miller's abs
5 - Yinka Dare's vision
6 - Mark Madsen's rythym
7 - AC Green's will
8 - Kelly Tripucka's chest hair
9 - Danny Schayes' shoulder/back hair
10 - Popeye Jones' looks
11 - Roy Tarpley's nostrils
12 - Ben Wallace's touch
13 - Jeff Ruland's knee
14 - Rasheed Wallace's gray poof
15 - Sharone Wright's toned arm
16 - The nutritional savvy of Frank Williams & Lamar Odom
17 - Mutombo's wang
18 - Eddy Curry's drive
It appears as though Phil Jackson and his 10 glamorous championship rings are considering coaching from the luxury of his custom made, Indian leather La-Z-Boy chair in the plush confines of his LA palace. And really, why the hell not? Mike Lupica has been covering sports for 10 years from the comfort of his Greenwich, Connecticut mansion, so if he can do it, the Zen Master can. He can even coach with his ass cheeks from inside his Teepee-shaped bath tub if he feels inclined to do so.
But with that will come copycats, as some NBA coaches have already begun to piggyback the idea:
Don Nelson to coach from inside giant martini glass.
Stan Van Gundy to coach from inside King Kong's armpit.
Mike D'Antoni to coach from inside ravioli-filled jacuzzi.
Gregg Popovich to coach from undisclosed beard growing location.
Lawrence Frank to coach from 3rd grader's desk.
Flip Saunders to coach from Kramer's cigar lounge.
Vinny Del Negro to coach from 80s sitcom.
Doc Rivers to coach from Super Dave Osbourne stunt site.
Continue reading "Unorthodox coach stretching the bounds of what's reasonable" »
Mark Madsen threw down the gauntlet this week and sprouted a symbolic howl of hair as an homage to his former coach, Kevin McHale.
Madsen, who's been publicly critical of the team's decision to let the king of armpit fashion go, has already led a number of rallies outside the team's facility, proudly holding his right arm high as a painful and quite obvious reminder of McHale's absence.
It is widely agreed upon that next to Rowdy Roddy Piper, McHale has the greatest pit of all time.
Madsen Surprised by News [ESPN]
In exchange for those snazzy Ray-Bans, Adam Morrison gave us a peek into his horrifying diary:
"Hey diary, remember when I had long hair? Of course you do, I included a lock of it between your pages. Hilarious, man. Look at me now! Some blog even compared me to Johnny Depp. Man, what a whirlwind, wild ride it's been. Finally time to put on some Kings of Leon and think about what really happened this season. I mean, what really happened this season. Charlotte to L.A. to hanging with my bros on a jet as World Champions..."
Recent Comments