The Sports Hernia Blog

Charlie Weis fiction amazingly still going for as much as one cent

(click to enlarge)

That's right, you can order a used copy of "The New Gold Standard: Charlie Weis and Notre Dame's Rise to Glory" from Amazon.com for one shiny penny.  You can also get a brand new copy for $0.60.

You know what else you can get for about that much?  Two momentarily uplifting gum balls that taste like grasshopper shit after three chews.

But, since it is the holidays and the gum ball machine is empty, we sprang for the $39.95 collectible version that comes with a pepperoni-bedazzled cover.

ESPNBoston's Chris Forsberg hoping to cheer up some time soon

According to our sources, this photograph was taken shortly after Forsberg received his diploma from Paul Bearer's School for Morbid Morticians.

Chris Forsberg [ESPNBoston]

ESPN continues valiant, relentless quest for actual sports news

Steve Phillips: Through The Years

1993 - Doctors catch Steve Phillips porking shlubby nurse during delivery of first child.

1994 - Phillips delivers sandwich to new secretary with wang placed firmly between two slices of bread.

1995 - On a road game against the Reds, Phillips disappears for two hours only to be found in the visiting clubhouse bathroom with a bucket of Icy Hot, Marge Schott, and her St. Bernard, Schottzie.

1996 - Phillips replaces all pictures of hot dogs on concession menus with various glamor shots of his woody.

1997 - Phillips trades Lance Johnson for a really good blow job.

2000 - Phillips and a butt-naked Morgana the Kissing Bandit emerge from Shea home run apple during the 7th inning stretch of a day game.

2001 - After being asked to shovel the driveway, Phillips is instead spotted vigorously humping the shed.

2002 - Phillips gets the boot from Mets Christmas party after attaching a mistletoe to the back of his ass-less pants.

2003 - Phillips finally gets fired from Mets after security cameras catch him humping Fred Wilpon's shitzu, Muffy.

2004 - Phillips becomes majority share owner of Horny Goat Weed, LLC.

2005 - On day one at ESPN, Phillips circles cubicle approximately 136 times in the nude, heroically creating his own Naked Mile.

2006 - Intern complains after Phillips stirs her coffee with his junk.  He apologizes by bringing her a mug of hot water with tea bags in it, which were also his balls.

2007 - Phillips begins to attend production meetings with pants on.  However, he does remain topless.

2008 - Phillips accidentally walks out of dressing room naked with two kissing fish dangling from his testicles.

2008 - Sensing colleagues may be onto him, Phillips decides to wear nipple clamps under his shirt.

2009 - Producers escort Phillips from Sunday Night Baseball booth after incessantly demanding John Miller put on King Kong Bundy's tights.

Brooke Hundley ironically reaches "scorching hot" status in Google Trends

Still, without question, the most irritating trend among today's top 10 is all the annoyingly presumptuous Yankee fans at No. 6.

[Lots of Brooke Hundley right here.]

Breaking: ESPN suspends Steve Phillips following affair with Kevin Gogan

Baseball analyst Steve Phillips has been suspended by ESPN following word of a heated fling with production assistant Brooke Hundley, playfully known as Kevin Gogan.

According to police, after being dumped, Hundley taunted Phillips' wife with Swimfan-like phone calls reportedly saying "We both can't have him!" as well as a letter that bragged about her wild nights with Phillips.

From the New York Post:

In the letter, Hundley details her affair with Phillips, and mentions "a big birthmark on his crotch . . . and one on his left inner thigh, so you know I'm not being fake."

Much like the real Kevin Gogan, Hundley plays hauntingly dirty. 

Will people ever learn? [WEEI]
Steve Phillips Had an Affair with ESPN Production Assistant [The Big Lead]
ESPN's Steve Phillips in foul affair with production assistant [NY Post]

Rick Reilly's latest column missing key photograph

The following blurb is ESPN's Rick Reilly on Colt McCoy's girlfriend, Rachel Gandorf.  This sensual line has vaulted her name to the top of Google trends:

"It was over -- the police came and got him within five minutes -- but it spooked McCoy enough to move into the back house of a friend of the family with wide receiver Jordan Shipley. It's so tiny, they share one bedroom. It's not the perfect crib for a guy who has a girlfriend hotter than shrimp vindaloo, Rachel Glandorf."

That may be true, Rick, but Rachel's got nothing on General Tso's Chicken at China Grill. 

Now quit typing columns with your starved wang.

The eyes of Texas are upon him [ESPN]

Kirk Herbstreit extends weenie... endorsement

It was a no-brainer for Armour-Eckrich to extend the endorsement contract of Kirk Herbstreit, who could turn any local Shady Acres retirement home into a "Cocoon"-envious orgy at the wink of an eye.

Meanwhile, rumors continue to swirl over whether Herbie was the basis for the "True Blood" Maryann-Baccus character, who would cause the entire town to jump into a carnal fuckfest.

Armour-Eckrich Extends College Football Analyst Kirk Herbstreit's Spokesperson Agreement [PR Newswire]

Mark May upgrades glasses to go along with "bird crap meets Candyland" tie

We're barely into the football season and this is already Mark May's second new look.  At this rate, the suddenly wild ESPN analyst will be wearing a tuxedo tshirt and the Macho Man's glasses by late September.

Mark May's condescending analysis reaches new heights with trendy glasses

It's safe to say the new spectacles will inspire all of Mark May's devoted detractors to actually shave "Mark May Totally Blows" into their chest as opposed to just making wild, empty threats to their TV.

The bonus of these badboys?  They double as his party glasses ...