From Eisen regarding the erect Tweet above:
Seriously, Rich? Hacked? At 4am on a Thursday night?
Just admit you were drunk and meant to send a 'Direct Message' to some sizzling young intern with a grade-A rack and we'll call it a day.
Thank You, Rich Eisen [The Arena]
As some of you may have noticed (read: e-mailed us and told us we sucked because it was never updated), the magazine portion of this site has been on hiatus for quite some time. But this is where the good news comes in: It's back and bigger than ever, like the booty of Serpenis Williams.
Head on over and take a gander, word has it Kiki just unleashed his new jazz-flute album.
Under Armour announced today they're immediately recalling 211,000
athletic cups due to an injury hazard that could affect up to 422,000 cojónes.
From the press release:
If I were Big E I wouldn't want this anywhere near my Little E.
With spring nearly upon us, what better way to return to outdoor drinking than by introducing you to more columnists/bar-room-showmen that you just know you wanna party with. This edition focuses strictly on a bunch of heartbreakers up in Bristol.
Enjoy.
Brian Doogan? More like Brian Dahmer, but instead of eating your heart, he'll just break it. Oh, don't be bashful ladies, that exposed woody is there for flattery.
***
Ed's just real simple and real real. The man is so intoxicated by round booty that his head literally might explode at any moment. Ed's dream is to one day to get lost forever in some comfy cleavage.
***
George Kimball, also known as the Unabomber to neighboring cellmates - because of his looks and his one nut - is the first imprisoned sex offender with a mainstream column. As you might imagine, this crafty gigolo still finds a way to get that coveted weekend pass.
***
Graham Hays is a former R.A. at Shippensburg University. Graham is pretty bored and looking for some 'tang, so he writes about women's hoops. He's quite certain the ringer t-shirt on top of an undershirt look will blow your mind.
Continue reading "Columnists you know you want to party with: ESPN edition" »
First the animators gave her glasses, then it was the seductive Asian spa, then it was an unpleasant experience with Blair Johnson and now it's on-the-go-Ashley.
Personally, we're still holding out for the Phoenix Gorilla.
Yahoo Sports Minute (Yahoo! Sports)
(click to enlarge)
Reese's Ad Wizard: Can we just take a gigantic shit on your website with our brand?
CBS Sportsline: Yes.
[Emphatic flailing high five breaks out]
*Sadly, we're pretty sure it worked. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups sound nothing short of divine right now.
Yes, it's true. We've actually been trying to keep this one under wraps, but since Gooden's representatives took the liberty of leaking the story, we might as well tell you what's on the table in the potential deal between TheSportsHernia and Drew Gooden:
- Curious facial hair
- Neck hair poofs
- Hernia immunity
- Courtside seats
- Groupies
- Piano lessons
KNOXVILLE, TENN -- Tennessee Lady Vols coach Pat Summitt finally reached the 1,000 victory mark in her storied career Thursday night, but still remains a staggering 734 victories shy of the beautiful, the fabulous, the incomparable Miss Elizabeth.
Miss Elizabeth, the greatest female coach and manager in the history of sports, compiled a lifetime record of 1,734 victories and only 4 losses over a dazzling 15-year career, before sadly passing away in 2003. Her lifetime winning percentage of 99.8% is something that Summitt can only dream about, when she's not dreaming of Miss Elizabeth's impossibly suckable legs that is.
The stoic Summitt is clearly tired of living in Miss Elizabeth's shadow though, refusing to even answer reporters questions about the great Elizabeth. And it's hard to blame her as the comparison is an unfair one.
Miss Elizabeth's tenure behind the turnbuckle showed every woman alive that you could be successful and ladylike. Summitt thinks she has her challenges against the likes of Auriemma? Try names like Hart, Fuji and "The Brain" Heenan. Elizabeth simply defined gorgeous power; the Helen of Troy of our time.
(DENVER, CO) -- With NBA crowds insatiable desire for free t-shirts at an all-time high, the NBA rolled out the highly controversial Shirt-Tank 3000, which will replace all wussy powered shirt-rockets by the end of the January. The ST-3000's debut Monday in Denver was a wild success, with over 1,000 t-shirts fired in under two minutes and only 23 fan casualties (15 from blunt traumas to the chest and head, and another 8 to fan murders over contested shirts).
Shirt Tank 3000 Fun Facts:
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